There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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