guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
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