I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
