They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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