Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
