If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
