I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
