i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
