He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
