pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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