how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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