I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
