just come out here and I will go home with you...
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
