I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
