at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
