it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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