It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
