We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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