I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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