were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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