it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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