We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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