I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
