two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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