Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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