I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
