Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
