walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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