life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
