in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
