What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
