You just made me feel so damn special
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
