I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
