The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
im six kinds of drunk right now
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
