He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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