he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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