yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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