So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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