Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
