god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
