Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I faked an abortion last night.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
