Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
