he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Randomize
