none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
