How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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