How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
