the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
