ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
