I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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