sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I cut my penus on the lid.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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