if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
