Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
